The Disastrous Life of Saiki Kusuke
by Princeps Civitatis
Summary: Saiki Kusuke was gifted with an IQ of 218, but he was condemned to have an esper little brother called Kusuo. Kusuke was a super genius, but only a wretched creature next to the god that was Kusuo. Chafing and smarting under an inferiority complex induced by his esper brother, Kusuke was determined to score a victory against the omnipotent and invincible Kusuo.


Hello everyone! This is my first story on The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

Who is Saiki Kusuke? Kusuo's brother, his debut chapters finally get animated.

Ever since I saw Kusuke in the manga chapters I have been intrigued by the character and I decided to write a story featuring him as a major protagonist. In the canon stories, Kusuke just kind of pop up once in a while to annoy Kusuo and challenge him to matches, his is an interesting character and his chapters are entertaining reads but I always feel that he is kind of underdeveloped so I will develop his character in my story. In this story Kusuke would be plotting, scheming, manipulating, pitting his wits against the superpowered Kusuo.

There may be some minor spoilers in the story about certain characters but these would be nothing major. Character's thoughts are in italics.

In this story I aim to present my interpretations of the characters, their relationships with others, and how different characters interact when put together (there are now a ton of characters in The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, some of whom have yet to meet one another) inspired by their portrayal in the canon work, furthermore I hope I can inject both drama and humour into my story.

I have no idea how many people, if any, are looking for Saiki Kusuo fanfictions. Nevertheless, if you happen to stumble upon this story, please give it a try and let me know your thoughts by reviewing!

Please enjoy the story!

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 **Act 1 Scene 1**

It was a night rife with roaring thunders and howling tempest in which two young men met at a park and conspired. It was not a night in which ordinary, sensible people venture outdoors, and indeed the two young men were anything but ordinary, for one was a super genius and the other a superbly popular actor. Furthermore, both harboured an unhealthy obsession towards their own younger siblings.

What led to such a worrisome meeting? Was it pure coincidence? Or was it an act by the divine powers? Or was it a Machiavellian mechanisation of the Dark Reunion?

Saiki Kusuke was strolling in that park when he stumbled upon a seething Teruhashi Makoto. Kusuke first heard the footsteps, and then snapped his head to the direction of the sound. The darkness of the night had prevented him from identifying the being that made the sound, but a lightning flash conveniently arrived and briefly illuminated the park, revealing the horrid form of Teruhashi Makoto.

Teruhashi Makoto had bloodshot eyes, popped veins, and dishevelled hair; tears, snot and saliva streamed out of his facial orifices like the Niagara falls. He bumbled with the purposefulness of a drunkard and the liveliness of a zombie while his clothes reeked of vomit and something that resembled a cockroach leg was on his cheek.

There was a sound of thunder.

And so they met, just according to plan. The Teruhashi Makoto at that park was quite a stark contrast to the charming, suave and composed personality of the actor Mugami Touru, but his distraught state would work in the favour of Kusuke.

" _Fortune is merry, and in this mood will give us anything."_ Kusuke could not help but smirk.

"Good evening, what a night this is! Oh dear, aren't you Mugami Touru?"

The said actor slowly raised an accusing finger at Kusuke, all the while glaring at him with intoxicated eyes, and then slurred—

"Whuuattt are u doin' in Kokkkooooomi's paaaarrrrkkk?"

"You look mightily distressed! Let us sit down and talk, it might make you feel better." Kusuke flashed his angelic smile that charmed all but Kusuo and then grabbed the actor's limp arms, dragging him to the nearest bench illuminated by a lone lamppost.

As soon as they sat down the actor blew his nose with his bare left hand, and when the actor's left hand left his nose a thick, yellowish slime of mucus, glued at both ends to his nostril and his thumb, stretched out as if it was resistant to the force of gravity—not dissimilar to the manner of stretched cheese when one takes a slice of pizza. Kusuke, fighting the urge to recoil in disgust, offered the distraught actor a pack of tissue paper. The actor snatched the pack and wiped his hand and nose with the pack itself without opening it, coating the pack in a yellow sludge, although the tissue paper inside was probably clean. Then the actor opened his mouth to speak—sobbing words punctuated by ragged breathing.

Teruhashi Makoto, in his distressed and vulnerable state, had forgotten to ask for Saiki Kusuke's identity and the fact that Kusuke did not reply to his earlier question. Teruhashi Makoto, in his distressed and vulnerable state, told a complete stranger his heart-breaking tale of being rejected by his sister.

Earlier that day, the actor returned home after an exhausting and disastrous day at filming ended prematurely. Teruhashi Makoto had a really miserable day, starting in the morning; on his way to work he stepped on a brown pile of rancid mush known as anteater poop. Makoto was not looking down on the road, for he was the kind who held his head up proudly, when he suddenly heard a noise that squished and plopped. He lowered his head, and to his abject horror, his beloved sneaker (a birthday present from his sister) was covered in a pungent brown stain, a stain not dissimilar to a chocolate left in the fridge for ten years.

"Why can't the anteater poop be Kokomi's!?" was the actor's outburst as he recalled that shocking moment of discovery.

" _How did he know it was an anteater poop?"_ the super genius wondered.

Having stepped on the poop, the actor then lifted his head skyward and screamed at his misfortune, only to receive a reply in the form of a bird dropping into his mouth, straight down the oesophagus. According to the actor, the bird dropping apparently had little flavour, and felt more like a wet glob of grainy dirt.

"I wish that thing came from Kokomi!" Makoto commented when he recalled swallowing bird excretion.

" _I wonder if the author tasted bird shit before?"_

That was only the beginning of his misery, during lunchtime fans kept disturbing his meal time despite the fact that his feet stank to high heaven after stepping on the anteater excrement, and their spittle landed on his food as they excitedly chanted his stage name. According to the actor, the human spittle had no taste.

"Why aren't those Kokoooomi's?" Teruhashi Makoto cried as he recalled that moment in his woeful day.

When Makoto checked his fan mails after lunch, he found a terrible letter. As he read through the letter, he felt his blood boil, he felt the world around him was trembling, and before he knew it he tore the letter into pieces.

The letter contained a photo of his beloved beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL sister Teruhashi Kokomi, a photo depicting her in school and she was clearly not posing for it—an unauthorised photo. The letter, with scrawny twisted barely-legible handwriting, reads: "I CAN TEL [sic] YU [sic] R [sic] A [insert unintelligible text] AND YUR [sic] SISTER WILL BE MINE!" The letter was anonymous.

"THIS OBNOXIOUS ASSHOLE WRITES IN ALL CAPS! HOW COULD HE!? ALSO THIS CREEPY SICK BASTARD IS TAKING PHOTO OF MY SISTER AND SAYS SHE WILL BE HIS! CREEPY SICK BASTARD! MY SISTER WILL ALWAYS BE MINE AND I WILL MARRY HER! YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR WAY YOU SICK EVIL TRASH SMELLY CREEPY ROTTING BASTARD WHOEVER YOU ARE!" the enraged actor stood up suddenly and abruptly bellowed like a thunderstorm, with his veins bulging and his facial muscles contorting in apoplexy, before sinking back into his chair from exhaustion.

Makoto continued his story. Kusuke barely managed to suppress his laughter at the actor's outburst.

In the afternoon an assistant director with a sensitive nose vomited onto him after greeting him in the hallway, decorating the actor's shirt with a stinking orange pulp of half-digested food and gastric acid; judging from the vomit, the assistant director probably ate prawn noodles for lunch, the actor informed Kusuke. Disgusted and shocked Makoto ran away only to step on a banana peel. The banana peel, for some ungodly reason, had a cockroach on it. Thus, Teruhashi Makoto not only stepped on a banana peel after having vomit spewed onto him, but he simultaneously stepped onto a cockroach. First he heard a crunch sound, not dissimilar to the sound of crunching on potato chips, and then he slipped. As he slipped his leg that stepped on the things kicked out, flinging the banana peel and the flattened cockroach carcass high up in the air. Makoto landed with his back on the floor, and then the flattened dead cockroach landed squarely on his handsome face.

" _Does this author hate this character?!"_

Teruhashi Makoto felt cold sticky cockroach body liquid trickle down his cheek and screamed. Traumatised, Teruhashi Makoto ran away from the filming. That was why he returned home earlier that day.

Being home, Teruhashi Makoto sought out the closest source of comfort at his home. It was not his sister, since she was at school, instead he went in her room and snuggled in her bed, while still wearing his vomit-stained clothes as well as having a cockroach leg and a portion of its crushed abdomen from that dead cockroach stubbornly stuck on his face.

Then the actor found something even more wonderful, when he laid his eyes on it the thing brightened up the whole room with its golden glow. The thing, lying on Kokomi's bed, was a used panty. Makoto picked it up, cradling it with his cupped hand as if it was a nugget of gold. According to the actor, the piece of undergarment was of a clean white design with simple frills along the edges, it was also caked in a crimson shade of dried blood with a curly strand of body hair sticking on it.

" _Is this supposed to be a gross-out story?! Good thing this is just a piece of fan work, if not this kind of shit would probably get The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. removed from Jump!"_ Kusuke cringed.

Honestly Kusuke wished the actor would spare him with unnecessary details like these, but after sitting through the torturous process of listening to the stupid actor ranting about a bad day, the actor was finally getting to the important part—a part which would allow Kusuke to enlist Teruhashi Makoto into a mission against Saiki Kusuo.

Teruhashi Makoto implicitly knew the panty's owner as well as the source and nature of that blood, so with his body trembling and sweating…he did some terrible, inappropriate, and disgusting things to it. Sometimes having less detail is for the better.

" _Even the author is disgusted with the direction the story is heading."_

As the saying goes, time flies when you are having fun; the actor was indulged in his own little heaven, way too indulged, when his sister the renowned and universally admired beauty Teruhashi Kokomi returned to her own room from school.

There was a blood-curdling scream, a desperate love confession, a shriek of unadulterated abhorrence, an awkward attempt at physical displays of affection, a kick to the shin, and finally an exclamation that Saiki Kusuo was a much better man than Teruhashi Makoto.

It was all over in a matter of seconds. A profoundly disturbed and unsettled Teruhashi Kokomi, who momentarily lost her goddess lustre, stormed out of her own room with goose bumps all over her. Her brother Makoto was left crestfallen and distraught in the room; that horrible day had culminated in his sister's rejection of his love. Consequently, Teruhashi Makoto haggardly stumbled to the park, all the while crying, and that was how he encountered Saiki Kusuke.

Everything was going as planned. Teruhashi Makoto was a man exactly as Kusuke had expected him to be—an emotionally vulnerable, deluded, and incorrigible siscon. He was honestly surprised none of the actor's family members appeared to be aware of the actor's obsession.

Kusuke was the sender of the letter which Makoto tore apart; Kusuke certainly did not mean what he wrote, he was not attracted to Teruhashi Kokomi because she was too dumb appeal to him, not that he would ever tell the truth to Makoto. He only wrote the letter to unsettle Makoto, convincing the actor the graveness of a non-existent threat and thus open the actor to his influence. From listening to the actor ranting about his day, it was crystal clear Kusuke's letter worked well.

The genius had extensively profiled the Teruhashi siblings as part of his planning, just as he had meticulously profiled the other personalities surrounding his brother Kusuo.

Nothing could escape a conscientious schemer like Kusuke.

Kusuke knew Kokomi was enamoured with his little brother Kusuo, which would inevitably become a source of conflict between the Teruhashi siblings as the elder was a possessive creep. In fact, the elder was under the impression that Kusuo harboured a crush on his sister, and had apparently warned Kusuo to stay away from her. However, Makoto did not consider Kusuo a serious threat, since he was under the delusion that his sister did not have a crush on Kusuo and he would eventually be able to marry her.

Another source of conflict was Makoto's unhealthy tendency to sneak into his sister's room. Either conflict, most likely culminating in the form of an argument, would result in an emotionally vulnerable Makoto who finally perceived Saiki Kusuo to be his love rival; furthermore the perception would be reinforced with anonymous letter which Makoto would likely assume to be written by Kusuo, making Makoto a perfect pawn.

The best way for the conflicts to happen was to make Kokomi catch Makoto sneaking into her room, according to her profile the girl would most likely complain about her brother's behaviour and compare her brother unfavourably to Saiki Kusuo.

However, conflicts do not always break out at the time you need it, so Kusuke maximised the chances of both conflicts occurring together that day by sending the anonymous letter to upset the actor. On the day the actor was filming a scene involving him sneaking into a girl's room, which would function as a subconscious suggestion on what to do when he was upset; he already had a tendency to do it to his sister, filming that scene only reminded him to do it again.

It all worked.

Having obtained an emotionally vulnerable Makoto, the next logical step was to meet him. Meeting and talking to a famous stranger like him without making him wary of Kusuke's designs was a little tricky, nonetheless Kusuke managed it and Kusuke was certain Makoto regarded this encounter as nothing more than a coincidence. Kusuke, having investigated the Teruhashi siblings thoroughly, knew the park was a place of childhood memories for the Teruhahsi siblings as they used to play there, so Makoto would likely visit the park to mend his shattered soul by reminiscing the old times.

Indeed he did.

Kusuke had set up surveillance cameras and wiretapped the Teruhashi household to know the exact moment when what he wanted transpires. So when it finally transpired, the genius used his self-made jetpack to quickly make his way to that park in order to meet Teruhashi Makoto who was in a distressed and vulnerable state and thus open to manipulation. Kusuke would then work his magic to whet Teruhashi Makoto into an instrument in Kusuke's enterprise against Saiki Kusuo.

All these efforts for the sake of a single pawn.

If Kusuke simply approached Makoto without any prior manipulation and try to persuade the actor to support his plans, Kusuke would most likely fail because the actor would not be sufficiently motivated to support him.

Another problem was how Makoto might react if Kusuke admitted his relationship with Kusuo, the actor could be wary and be unwilling to support his plan, and so Kusuke decided it was safer to simply not tell Makoto his true identity.

On a side note, the anteater poop, the spittle, the vomit, the banana and the cockroach were not Kusuke's doings, the actor simply had bad luck that day.

As Makoto finished his tale, he whimpered, "At that moment the way she looked at me…It was horrible! Horrible horrible horrible! She looked at me as if I am some kind of trash…"

"I know that feeling man…" Kusuke patted Makoto on the back as he recalled how Kusuo had always eyed him disdainfully in their younger days.

"How could you understand…."

"I am an older brother too."

There was a sound of thunder.

Makoto cringed and cowered from the thunderclap, and then muttered in a weak, trembling voice, "Oh the weather is horrible! Like how I am feeling now! I should have known something so terrible would happen, thinking back the anteater poop, the cockroach and everything…those were the warnings!"

Kusuke had somewhat expected such a fearful reaction to the weather, for he knew Makoto was something of a coward, but he also knew the actor disliked being seen as one, and so he could provoke the actor to take bold actions just to prevent being viewed as a weak coward.

The genius abruptly jumped from his seat and stood up. He lifted his head and gazed at the crackling night sky, he then dramatically spread out his arms and declared, "Only weak men allow themselves to be intimidated by strange wonders of the night. For myself, I find it to be a very pleasing night, which was why I strolled to this park. Strong men—the righteous and the honourable, do not let themselves to be browbeat into submission by mere weathers, instead they steel themselves and bravely confront challenges! Men at some time are masters of their fates, the faults in our lives are not preordained by powers unseen, they occur because of our inaction!"

"Weak men…strong men…confront the challenges…masters of their fates…inaction…" still cowering, the actor mumbled as if in a trance.

Kusuke paused momentarily to see if his speech had been sufficient to rouse a reaction, and noticed the actor's mumbling—his speech had hit the right spots, _"I am on track."_

So Kusuke continued, "Einstein once said, 'the world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it'," Kusuke patted Makoto on the back as he spoke, "but for us to take action, we first need to know to whom we take it to."

Makoto stopped cowering and lifted his head to look at Kusuke.

"Perhaps a man responsible for your current predicament, a man no worthier than yourself yet prodigiously grown in your sister's heart, a man who taunted you with letters, a man most dreadful like this thunderous night—"

"Saiki Kusuo. The four-eyed pervert brat." Teruhashi Makoto uttered suddenly and evenly as he slowly rose from the bench.

The actor appeared to be a much calmer man at that moment; his tears and snot and saliva had stopped flowing, his bulging veins subsided, his eyes were sharp and no longer bloodshot, though the cockroach leg was still on his face. In fact, he looked almost as if he attained an epiphany.

Kusuke smiled thinly at the response.

" _Time to throw another bait."_

"It is almost as if some unseen powers made us meet, egging us to take action." Kusuke said calmly, "Saiki Kusuo is a name I am familiar with, for that bastard had just deflowered my sister and then –"

The genius paused.

Teruhahi Makoto looked anxiously and expectantly at Saiki Kusuke.

"He DUMPED HER!" Kusuke roared.

There was a sound of thunder.

"That is horrible! I am strong and brave! I must defend my sister's honour!" the actor declared in a fit of bravado.

Teruhashi Makoto took that bait; in fact, he had taken all the baits, hook line and sinker. Kusuke was not a professional actor like Makoto, but he was good enough to fool a professional actor.

"Then let me help you in this noble enterprise, it is said that the enemy of my enemy is my friend! As a matter of fact, I have a rough idea of how we can seek to redress this error, and right what was wronged!"

Kusuke extended his hand to Makoto, Makoto shook it.

Both men wore a grin on their face that would have scared a serial killer, and then suddenly they both burst out in crackling shrill laughter, bearing their teeth likes apes.

Teruhashi Makoto, in his excited state, had forgotten to ask the name of the stranger he formed an alliance with. Later, Kusuke would probably have to give Makoto a fake name and a fake story of a fake sister, but that would be a walk in the park.

A dimwit like Makoto was easy to fool. Kusuke honestly felt his speech to Makoto was quite unimpressive and perhaps a bit too bombastic, but he moved Makoto nonetheless.

" _As expected of a monkey"_

Teruhashi Makoto loved his sister very much; it was a love that transcends above all else, a love so wrong yet felt so right, and a love that had gradually consumed him over the years until it became his only identity, his only world, his only reason for living. The four-eyed brat Saiki Kusuo, who had bewitched his beloved sister, was threatening to crumble his world. Kokomi had hurt him bad that day, Makoto could felt his painful heart bleeding, but even then he still loved her. Makoto had arrived at the conclusion that the true cause of all his grief was that four-eyed brat, and he must take action—or else he would bleed to death and die in a pool of sorrowful blood.

Saiki Kusuke was gifted with an IQ of 218, but he was condemned to have an esper little brother called Kusuo. Kusuke was a super genius, but only a wretched creature next to the God that was Kusuo. Kusuo bestrode Kusuke's world like a Colossus, and Kusuke the petty man could only walk under his huge legs and peep about beneath his shadows. One of the worst feelings any man can experience is the bitterness of being bested by his little brother, and Kusuke has been drowning and suffocating in that bitterness for all his life. No matter what brilliant feat Kusuke achieved after a lot of hard work, Kusuo could effortlessly conjure something more majestic using superpowers; Kusuke had challenged Kusuo countless times to various forms of matches and competitions for the past sixteen years, and every time Kusuo would ensure his big brother suffer a humiliating defeat at the hands of his superpowers. Kusuo had slashed at his brother's pride with his dagger-like psychic powers with every victory the esper boy attained, and then after every victory Kusuo would wonder why his brother's pride was bleeding. Kusuke pride, servile to Kusuo's powers, was whipped mercilessly like a bondman—it had hurt and bled until the pain was too unbearable and the slave decided to stage a revolt. Chafing and smarting under an inferiority complex induced by his esper brother, Kusuke, armed with nothing but his craftiness, was determined to score a victory against the omnipotent and invincible Kusuo once and for all, and he would not be playing fair this time—or else he would die in bondage of Kusuo's greatness.

" _Kokomi, you will be Onii-chan's soon!"_

" _Kusuo, I have no superpowers, but I will beat you with my wit!"_

There was a sound of thunder.

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I always wanted the two big brothers in Saiki Kusuo no Psi-nan to meet, it is such a low-hanging fruit for interesting plot that I am surprised they have yet to meet in canon, so I took the matter into my own hands. I hope I have not scared off readers with some of the gross descriptions, don't worry not every chapter is going to be like that. Anyway hope you enjoyed and please review to provide feedback if you can. Thanks!


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